Post by Zone Fighter on Aug 14, 2007 21:38:48 GMT -8
Ninja Warriors (1985)
Ron Marchini - Steve
Romano Kristoff - Tom
Paul Vance - Lt. Kevin Washington
Ken Watanabe - Kuroda
Mike Cohen - Dr. Anderson
Nick Nicholson - Mike Jansen
Mike Monty - Captain Henry Marlowe
A dollar DVD I got at a grocery store. I'd have been better off spending the buck on potato chips or soda pop.
This movies makes no sense at all.
A man wants to get a hold of a secret formula. Instead of hiring a professional thief to steal it he hires a bunch of modern day ninja, who make the mistake of leaving a witness. The witness is a drunk and his statement makes no sense to the idiot of a police captain but his lieutenant understands "black and white men who flew away" to mean ninja, because he happens to have a friend, Steve, who visited Japan.
The ninja soon learn that the papers they stole are missing the final page.
For no discernible reason the early parts of the film have the ninja trying to kill Steve, who's done nothing to show himself a threat. And although the ninja always fail to kill Steve their master Kuroda does not punish them for the failure yet when his best ninja, Tom, allows himself to be caught by the police, he forces Tom to gut himself, even though Tom successfully escaped. I didn't know ninja practiced ritual suicide, I thought that was just a samurai thing. When Steve does finally show himself to actually be a threat, Kuroda attempts to kill Steve himself but fails because he hears Kevin's voice. It gives the special effects guys to detonate an explosive charge so Kuroda can disappear in a poof of smoke. Kuroda does not kill himself for the failure.
As an excuse to show a woman in her underwear, the ninja torture a woman they think knows where the last page of the formula is by using a defibrillator are her. She can't tell them what they want to know because she's not the scientist s's daughter, but a police woman. Apparently scientists working on classified formulas tell their tennis pro daughters where they hid the last page. They nabbed the wrong woman. No ninja are forced to kill themselves over this mistake.
Finding the real girl, the ninja get the last page of the formula.
Accept for their leader (Ken Watanabe) the ninja are not Japanese. There's even one black ninja. There's one kunoichi (female ninja), she carries a tennis racket with a blade in the handle. Useful for abducting tennis players who know where their father hides his secret formula.
Steve upon learning that his friend the police lieutenant has foolishly gone alone to confront the ninja on their own territory, doesn't call the police so they can send back up. Instead he goes into his closet and gets out two Japanese swords and his own black ninja costume. This gives the ninja time to torture the police officer to death.
Naturally the other ninja do not attack Steve on mass, they might actually have killed him that way, but choose to attack him one at a time, allowing him to wipe them out. The final battle is of course with Kuroda. Unfortunately the master was little better than his students.
We're not told how the secret formula was supposed to allow the ninja's employer to rule the world. Doesn't matter because Steve murdered the unarmed man before blowing up his lab, with a tiny clock that couldn't possibly hold enough explosive to blow up a car but still generates a massive explosion.
Anyone need a shinny extra large coaster?
Ron Marchini - Steve
Romano Kristoff - Tom
Paul Vance - Lt. Kevin Washington
Ken Watanabe - Kuroda
Mike Cohen - Dr. Anderson
Nick Nicholson - Mike Jansen
Mike Monty - Captain Henry Marlowe
A dollar DVD I got at a grocery store. I'd have been better off spending the buck on potato chips or soda pop.
This movies makes no sense at all.
A man wants to get a hold of a secret formula. Instead of hiring a professional thief to steal it he hires a bunch of modern day ninja, who make the mistake of leaving a witness. The witness is a drunk and his statement makes no sense to the idiot of a police captain but his lieutenant understands "black and white men who flew away" to mean ninja, because he happens to have a friend, Steve, who visited Japan.
The ninja soon learn that the papers they stole are missing the final page.
For no discernible reason the early parts of the film have the ninja trying to kill Steve, who's done nothing to show himself a threat. And although the ninja always fail to kill Steve their master Kuroda does not punish them for the failure yet when his best ninja, Tom, allows himself to be caught by the police, he forces Tom to gut himself, even though Tom successfully escaped. I didn't know ninja practiced ritual suicide, I thought that was just a samurai thing. When Steve does finally show himself to actually be a threat, Kuroda attempts to kill Steve himself but fails because he hears Kevin's voice. It gives the special effects guys to detonate an explosive charge so Kuroda can disappear in a poof of smoke. Kuroda does not kill himself for the failure.
As an excuse to show a woman in her underwear, the ninja torture a woman they think knows where the last page of the formula is by using a defibrillator are her. She can't tell them what they want to know because she's not the scientist s's daughter, but a police woman. Apparently scientists working on classified formulas tell their tennis pro daughters where they hid the last page. They nabbed the wrong woman. No ninja are forced to kill themselves over this mistake.
Finding the real girl, the ninja get the last page of the formula.
Accept for their leader (Ken Watanabe) the ninja are not Japanese. There's even one black ninja. There's one kunoichi (female ninja), she carries a tennis racket with a blade in the handle. Useful for abducting tennis players who know where their father hides his secret formula.
Steve upon learning that his friend the police lieutenant has foolishly gone alone to confront the ninja on their own territory, doesn't call the police so they can send back up. Instead he goes into his closet and gets out two Japanese swords and his own black ninja costume. This gives the ninja time to torture the police officer to death.
Naturally the other ninja do not attack Steve on mass, they might actually have killed him that way, but choose to attack him one at a time, allowing him to wipe them out. The final battle is of course with Kuroda. Unfortunately the master was little better than his students.
We're not told how the secret formula was supposed to allow the ninja's employer to rule the world. Doesn't matter because Steve murdered the unarmed man before blowing up his lab, with a tiny clock that couldn't possibly hold enough explosive to blow up a car but still generates a massive explosion.
Anyone need a shinny extra large coaster?
